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1. Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:13:41 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

   Okay. So. Let's talk relationships and what we can unlearn, meaning, the things we do in relationships that are (sort-of) abusive and/or self-destructive and that we vow to try to not do again.

   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:13:41 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     1. People-pleasing
     2. Numbing your own feelings
     3. Not setting boundaries for yourself.
     4. Being passive-aggressive when you're angry.

     Santa Claes 🇸🇪🇭🇰🎅 likes this.
   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:13:42 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     5. Issues automatically include something you're supposed to fix.
     i.e you fix it instead of letting it be and maybe, it'll solve itself.
     6. Afraid that vulnerability will be used against you.
     7. Fighting for control when control is not needed.
     8. Wanting your partner to help you, but not letting them.

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   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:13:44 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     9. Not apologizing when you know you're wrong.
     10. Lashing out with hurtful words to regain a sense of strength.
     11. Letting stress control my reactions.
     12. (this is the most important one, IMHO)
     Lying about my feelings or holding back.

     Santa Claes 🇸🇪🇭🇰🎅 likes this.
   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:13:53 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     13. Not listening actively.
     14. (this is a callback to number 5)
     Trying to fix everything at once.
     15. Avoiding or ignoring any emotion that feels negative.
     16. Getting frustrated at people when they are not moving back to happiness quick enough.
     17. Planning something fun without your partner taken into consideration.

     Santa Claes 🇸🇪🇭🇰🎅 likes this.
   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:14:14 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     18. Pushing away my loved ones when I am feeling insecure, angry or worried.
     19. Learning to have difficult conversations instead of avoiding.
     20. Assuming that when people correct me, that they either hate me or that they are being rude.

     Santa Claes 🇸🇪🇭🇰🎅 likes this.
   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:14:18 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     21. Putting up with being treated like crap.
     22. Projecting my fears.
     23. "Hermiting", I just can't pull away when things get hard.
     - This is something, that I, sad to say, keep doing. it's like I want to protect myself emotionally, keeping people out, and isolating myself in my own world so I don't get hurt.

     Santa Claes 🇸🇪🇭🇰🎅 likes this.
   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:14:46 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     24. Saying that my partner's feelings are illogical and dismissing them.
     25. Fear of depending too much on someone else.
     26. Being too private, keeping things to myself, and don't show how you really feel.
     27. Being dominate through intellect, i.e making your partner feel stupid.

     Santa Claes 🇸🇪🇭🇰🎅 likes this.
   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:15:59 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     46. Not respecting the other persons perspective.
     47. Not working through things when it gets difficult, shutting people down, digging your heels in, shutting them out.
     48. Not taking responsibility for your actions in a fight or heated discussion.
     49. Blaming your partner when things aren't working.

     and last. but not least....

   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:15:59 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     50.
     Assuming the worst. After a huge fight thinking "this is so over", and retreating, pulling away, taking your ring off, etcetera. Every fight is horrible, but not so horrible so you can't work it out with time and space, and working together to make amends.
     Blamegame is not a good way to respond. In a fight, there are no winners or losers. Just two people who desperately seeks connection, communication and safety.

     Santa Claes 🇸🇪🇭🇰🎅 likes this.
   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:16:00 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     41. Making all the decisions.
     42. Trying to "improve" my partner or myself.
     43. Ignoring all the tension in my body and refusing to relax.
     44. Thinking that my inner critic always knows 'the truth'.
     45. Becoming nasty when i'm angry.

   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:16:01 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     34. Not letting myself relax, and getting frustrated at my partner for relaxing.
     35. Becoming defensive to avoid admitting anything that makes my image feel less than.
     36. Getting frustrated with my partner when their pace is slower than mine & then talking over them (the effiency prevents me from having what I really want... connection!)

   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:16:01 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     37. Changing to accommodate partner because you are too afraid to be alone.
     38. "Hinting" at my needs instead of directly asking for them.
     39. Not sharing what I want and/or need.
     40. Thinking that all conflicts are unhealthy.

   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:16:02 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     31. Giving everything you've got, but not expecting anything in return.
     32. Internally or externally rejecting love when someone tries to give it to you.
     33. Thinking that I am worthy if I am loved. If I get attention, and someone love me, then I am worthy, if not, I am pathetic/sad/ not worth anything.

   • Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪 (linuxtjej@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 09-Jan-2022 10:16:03 UTC Linuxtjej 🏳️‍🌈🇸🇪

     in reply to

     28. Trusting someone else's feeling above my own.
     29. Not being honest about my emotions just to keep the peace and in doing so, violating my identity.
     30. Believing I have to share every emotion I have.