Conversation

Story [abbreviated]:

My mother was told it had only a couple of months to live due to cancer diagnosed after I was placed in [horrible] foster home.
She lived many years more.

During christmas/new year break from conscrip army, I got notice it was the end of times.
In spite of "turbulent" childhood", I of course came.

Spent weeks.
Talked about e.g. upcoming "largest rave ever in Sweden", etc.
She made me promise I'd go.

Then, one night nurses woke me saying "she's finally unaware of anything and will die" or similar.
I went to her bed and forgave all violence to me as a child.
They said unaware, but she had tears.

Then, as promised… went to the rave.
At the EXACT minute she died, I froze, realized "whoa, she's gone!"… and she was dead.

I thank my then excursion into Taoism for accepting, absorbing and moving on from and with that.
I still don't know. I'm still agnostic.